We’re all adults, right?
Good. This means we can handle this essay’s subject matter with maturity and aplomb, if not a few giggles along the way, too.
Today, I write of the blatant public pornography of Martinsburg, West Virginia. A nice little town, one I called home for six years and one I hope to call home again in the next several weeks. But what’s with all the pornographic imagery?
During a recent visit to Martinsburg, I was surprised to find not one, but two overtly obscene images couched in silly drawings. See for yourself – later in this essay I will embed the images. But please resist the temptation to scroll down and view the pictures. Let’s talk first.
One might argue that I am a typical healthy male, whose typical, healthy obsessions would lead a typical healthy male to find sex images in all kinds of things – a lit cigarette, a pair of Hostess snowballs, the centerfold pullout of a Penthouse magazine.
But these two images – one resembling a male appendage, and one so obviously resembling what it resembles I am ashamed to put it into words – can not possibly be mistaken for accidental.
Well, okay, the first image MIGHT well be a coincidence. This is a puppet, for pete’s sake. But just look:
Picture of Mister Punch
This next image, however, may well frighten you, in the way that seeing any ten minutes of a Jerry Springer episode would scare away the worst case of lingering chronic hiccupitis. You may wish to close this essay and come back on an empty stomach. Hide the children, say your prayers. Here goes.
What IS this thing?
Raises the question – WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?
This image is taped to the inside window of a vacant kiosk on Winchester Avenue in Martinsburg. It would appear someone or someones were considering opening a hot dog stand in the kiosk. The restaurant never opened. This picture remains. (My guess is the lender got a look at the picture, was spooked away and rejected the loan application.)
How could somebody draw this picture and NOT realize what this resembles? I mean, let’s put it this way, if this hot dog ever passes gas, it will forever do so without making a sound.
Good reader, please feel free to comment and offer your thoughts and suggestions on this picture. Because I am mystified. I’ve seen a lot in my nearly 48 years. Never anything like this. I’m so disturbed, I can’t even digress.
And now, a few notes about why this blog has been so dry of late.
I always thought it would be great to be paid to write funny stuff. Turns out I was. Not directly, but…
In early summer, 2009, I was laid off from my job. It’s taken me a good couple of months to return to any semblance of a skewed look at life. Being unemployed, with the accompanying depression, I’ve simply been in no mood to write funny stuff (or to attempt to write funny stuff).
I’m still unemployed, still depressed by and large. But I’m back, baby! Thanks to a hot dog and his asshole. Mmmmm – easy humor.
Tags: asshole, hot dog, martinsburg, pornography, sex, West Virginia
