D x DI – SV/(A/AxPQ)=S%

This morning, I participated in an interesting conversation with some work colleagues about this seeming inability men have of successfully hitting the toilet when we pee.

I excused myself and sat down at my computer and came up with the following:

 

D x DI – SV/(A/AxPQ)=S%

 

Where:

D=Diameter of Toilet Bowl

DI=Distance from Subject to Toilet Bowl

SV= Stream Velocity

A=Age

AxPQ=Age Times Prostate Quotient*

S%=Likely Percentage of Success**

 

* – Prostate Quotient calculates the age of the subject and the likelihood of prostate enlargement, thus affecting the stream velocity

** – Success percentage is defined as the subject’s ability to deposit all specimen into the bowl without any collateral splash

 

So I created a macros which runs this formula through millions of configurations, and in EACH case, the likely percentage of success hits 17% or less.

 

The only time I was able to get a higher success percentage was when I modified the equation, adding in a figure for “months dating or married.” In those cases where months dating or married was less than six, the percentage of success hits in the upper 90 percentile range.  Go figure. 

 

I excitedly shared my findings with my co-workers, prompting one (a woman, of course) to ask, “Why don’t men just sit down.”

 

Sheesh.  For the same reason we men don’t ask for directions when we’re driving.  Because we can’t think when we’re sitting on our brains.  Any woman will tell you that!

Tags: brains, collateral, prostate, splash, toilet, urine, velocity