As I woke this morning, I dreamt I was reading the dust jacket of a biography of Judge Judy. It read, “When the padded cell becomes as its word and is a deterrent, then we can call society civilized. Until then, there’s Judge Judy, solving all the world’s problems, one court case at a time.”
Ugh! I can’t believe I would write that, even in my dreams?
So then I thought of some more “bad” dust jacket bios:
“He lives in a world of black and white, the keys of the piano mimicking his conflicted soul. Billy Joel IS the Piano Man.”
“When it stops working for him, he’ll quit. Until then, we’ll always have Dr. Phil.”
“Why is that? I don’t know. I don’t think so. I’m Andy Rooney.”
“He’s the world’s most misunderstood prisoner. Until now, only the rat who visited his cell truly knew him. Now, you too can know Charles Manson the way the rat knows Charles Manson.”
“For years, we laughed at his foibles and it made him rich. But all the money in the world won’t keep his shoelace clean when it touches the bathroom floor. He’s his generation’s Pagliacci. Jerry Seinfeld IS the Tragic Clown.”
Maybe some day I’ll become a famous author and live the dream, and see what someone else writes about me on my dust jacket. Kind of like reading your obituary after you die. I hope mine (my dust jacket AND my obituary) fabricates my life. A LOT. Nothing more annoying than a boring dust jacket with mundane details about that time I sliced off part of my finger with a razor cutter, or how I forgot to put the dishcloths into the washing machine and it was too late because the machine locked and now I have to wash dishes with a slightly dirty dishrag for a few more days until I do laundry again and my life SUCKS because I hate to use a slightly dirty dishrag and…
Well, I’m digressing. And my sliced up finger is starting to hurt from too much typing.
“He wordsmiths with the expertise of a board-certified cardiologist performing his 1,000th valve resection, even with a sliced up finger and a dirty dishrag in the sink. He’s the world’s least-read blogger. He’s Cliff Kurt.”
Tags: billy joel andy rooney dr. phil judge judy jerry seinfe, dust jacket
