… Sometimes I secretly wish my enemies would eat a bowl of rancid oatmeal. How’s THAT taste, Phil? … I don’t know why they call it fruit punch. It doesn’t punch you in your fruit … Several people on the MARC train read my thoughts … Does the period ever feel inferior to the comma? … I need to floss my teeth … I sure wish Nancy and Sluggo would finally confess their love for one another … The Back to the Future sequel should have been named ‘Forward to the Past’ … Ah, ah, ah, CHOO! … I hope I’m in Sasha Baron Cohen’s next film so I can sue him … Speaking of which, I can’t believe Sasha was one of the two people who made Fargo … Boy the price of gas is sure getting expensive … That Kevin Spacey sure can sing … What’s the most embarassing song on your iPod? Mine is Afternoon Delight … boots … You can never have too many pairs of socks … Billy Joel jokes are mean … Is there anything more intellectually challenging than a good Word Search puzzle? … My trip to Dairy Queen last week reduced my net worth by 17% .. When I use my girlfriend’s toothbrush, it’s like kissing her but not really … I love a parade … My horoscope today should have been called a “horrorscope” … Dorothy, I still have your book … I don’t “get” sarcasm. You got a problem with that?!? … Sometimes, I pretend I’m a doctor who still makes house calls … I need a haircut … I feel sad for my son because he looks so much like me … We’re all in the mood for a melody, aren’t we? … If my baby was born looking like Stewie, I would grab the doctor’s stethoscope and strangle it … Not really, but you know what I mean … What are those pro-life demonstrators doing outside my front door? … I like it when I get checked for head lice … Why doesn’t Wal-Mart sell those hilarious wind-up chattering teeth? … I sure wish Mike O’Meara would read my blogs on his radio show …If you’ve read this far, you’re a saint! … I think John Belushi, Chris Farley and Humphrey Bogart were all separated at birth … I wish I could have been a 50’s deejay, so I could have said “stacks of wax” … I’d pierce my nipples, but that would just be gay … Do you think Larry King would get the joke? … Saying you go to Hooters for the wings is like saying you get Playboy for the articles … When I’m alone, I cry. A lot … With the price of gold so high, maybe now I have a REAL million dollar smile … The woman who reads my GPS directions sure sounds sexy … I can’t think of a killer joke to end this blog.
Tags: Afternoon, Baron, Belushi, Bogart, Cohen, cry, Dairy, Delight, Farley, GPS, Hooters, horrorscope, Kevin, MARC, Mike, Nancy, O'Meara, oatmeal, Playboy, Queen, Sasha, Search, Sluggo, Spacey, Wal-Mart, Word
